There's an Owl in the Chimney
by konarciq
Summary: Hogan and LeBeau agree: talking Schultz into a corner is always fun. Health warning: beware of earworms!


**There's an Owl in the Chimney**

_(to the melody of There's a Hole in the Bucket)_

._  
_

There's an owl stuck in the chimney  
In the chimney, in the chimney  
There's an owl stuck in the chimney  
Oh Schultzie – an owl!

Then sweep out the chimney  
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan  
Then sweep out the chimney  
Colonel Hogan – sweep it out!

With what shall we sweep it  
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie  
With what shall we sweep it  
Dear Schultzie – with what?

With a broomstick, little Cockroach  
Little Cockroach, little Cockroach  
With a broomstick, little Cockroach  
Little Cockroach – with a broom!

But the broomstick is broken  
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie  
But the broomstick is broken  
Dear Schultzie – kaput!

Then fix it, little Cockroach  
Little Cockroach, little Cockroach  
Then fix it, little Cockroach  
Little Cockroach – just fix it!

With what shall we fix it  
Oh Schultzie, oh Schultzie  
With what shall we fix it  
Oh Schultzie – with what?

Wind some rope around the broomstick  
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan  
Wind some rope around the broomstick  
Colonel Hogan – some rope!

Now where is the rope then  
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie  
Now where is the rope then  
Dear Schultzie – yes, where?

In the toolshed, little Cockroach  
Little Cockroach, little Cockroach  
In the toolshed, little Cockroach  
Little Cockroach – in the shed!

We've looked, but there's no rope left  
In the toolshed, in the toolshed  
We've looked, but there's no rope left  
In the toolshed – no rope!

Then buy some, little Cockroach  
Little Cockroach, little Cockroach  
Then buy some, little Cockroach  
Little Cockroach – buy some rope!

Where does one buy rope then  
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie  
Where does one buy rope then  
Dear Schultzie – yes, where?

In Hamelburg, little Cockroach  
Little Cockroach, little Cockroach  
In Hamelburg, little Cockroach  
Little Cockroach – in town!

Will you let me escape then  
To Hamelburg, to Hamelburg  
Will you let me escape then  
Just to buy some more rope?

No one ever escapes here  
Bad Cockroach, bad Cockroach  
No one ever escapes from  
Our Stalag 13!

Then _you_ will have to buy rope  
Yes, Schultzie, yes, Schultzie  
Then _you_ will have to buy rope  
Yes, Schultzie – you will!

It's against regulations  
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan  
It's against regulations  
To help you at all

How about a slice of Strudel  
Sweet Strudel, sweet Strudel  
How about a slice of Strudel  
If you get me some rope?

Oh yummy, Apfelstrudel!  
Apfelstrudel! Apfelstrudel!  
Oh yummy, Apfelstrudel!  
I will have some right now!

But where do I bake Strudel  
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie  
But where do I bake Strudel  
Dear Schultzie – yes, where?

In the woodstove you bake Strudel  
Sweet Strudel, sweet Strudel  
In the woodstove you bake Strudel  
And I want it right now!

But the woodstove isn't working  
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie  
But the woodstove isn't working  
Dear Schultzie – it's not!

What's wrong then with the woodstove  
What's wrong then, what's wrong then  
What's wrong then with the woodstove  
Little Cockroach – what's wrong?

There's an owl stuck in the chimney  
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie  
There's an owl stuck in the chimney  
Dear Schultzie – an owl!

I'll go and fetch the broomstick  
Of the Kommandant's, of the Kommandant's  
I'll go and fetch the broomstick  
Of the Kommandant's – right now!

Won't the Kommandant be angry  
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie  
Won't the Kommandant be angry  
Dear Schultzie – what then?

I will say it's for the mess hall  
For the mess hall, for the mess hall  
I will say it's for the mess hall  
Then the Kommandant won't mind!

You would lie to your Kommandant  
Oh Schultzie, oh Schultzie  
You would lie to your Kommandant  
Oh Schultzie – oh no!

It's not such a big lie  
Just a little one, just a little one  
It's not such a big lie  
Just a little one – that's fine!

But you also accepted bribery  
Yes, bribery, yes, bribery  
But you also accepted bribery  
Yes, bribery – today!

I know nothing about bribery  
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan  
I know nothing about bribery  
Colonel Hogan – no, I don't!

You said you'd buy rope  
For some Strudel, yes, you did, Schultz  
You said you'd buy rope  
For some Strudel – you did!

How come I _always_ get in trouble  
When I talk to you, when I talk to you  
How come I _always_ get in trouble  
Colonel Hogan – yes, why?

Would you like me to help you  
Out of trouble, out of trouble  
Would you like me to help you  
Out of trouble – yes or no?

Ach, bitte, Colonel Hogan  
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan  
Ach, bitte, Colonel Hogan  
What d'you want me to do?

Let _me_ go and buy rope  
In Hamelburg, in Hamelburg  
Let _me_ go and buy rope  
In Hamelburg today!

Won't the Kommandant be angry  
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan  
Won't the Kommandant be angry  
Colonel Hogan – what then?

That's why you'll see nothing  
Hear nothing, know nothing  
That's why you'll say nothing  
And he'll never know!

I promise I'll see nothing  
And hear nothing, and know nothing  
I promise I'll know nothing  
No, nothing at all!

.

.

**The End**


End file.
